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June

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 28, 2010, 9:34 PM
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29/06/10

i feel that the life is being slowly sucked out of me and the husk it's leaving behind is starting to crumble and when all that is left is the emptyness no-one will see me, they wont feel the emotion, the details will be lost and the love that lurks within will fade and no-one will feel the passion .... dust is after all dust

maybe just maybe i'll have to write these words down in full as there's so much more to say and leave it as a statement

don't be angry with me for being who i am try to understand ....


27/06/10

here we are again, i had a busy week in Germany but back home again, i didnt have much chance to take pictures but i caught a sunset, so its back to work tomorrow (how nice eh)

still missing that part of my life that continues to elude me, i'm close to actually giving up now .... there's something out there stopping me being loved which makes me think i'm unloveable

i'd love to have someone arty in my life then we could explore art together ... dreams "never let anyone steal your dreams"

18/06/10

as the weekend approaches i'm struck with a loss, i want so much to create art ... i know i capture some nice images but i have asked myself if it's art and if it means anything ... oh dear thats how i feel right now ... i should be going to a friends wedding up in Scotland but i have to go away with work to France & Germany ...

i see such wonderful art on here, so many stunning images that make me think "WOW if only" and the support of those wonderful people who provide the drive and the energy for life (you know who you are i wish i could thank each and everyone of you with a HUGE hug - even the blokes)

maybe just maybe i'm at a watershed point in my life i have no idea but i do know i'm not achieving what i want or need to, even though i'm away with work i'll still be taking my baby with me - well you never know what may turn up

Fathers day on Sunday also fills me with loss for what i've lost in the last four years ... not my dad he's still playing my mum up which she loves ... but quite a personnal loss for me ... the life gets sucked out of us and some of us find the thing we want and need in life ...  some of us don't and never will, four years on i'm still looking and searching but i'm fast approaching the "ive had enough stage" ... just ignore this but i had to write it down as it affects everything in my world - be it images or work - everything DAMN LIFE IS CRAP

16/06/10

i've got no idea who brought it for me but whoever it was i can't thank you enough ... its wonderful it really is "drain away"

15/06/10

Tuesday at last ... Monday was a very hectic day job wise ... i'll be away next week so this week i'll be putting together a new Feature but as yet ive not decided what its going to be so i'm thinking long and hard, the problem is that there's so many wonderfull images out there which you all add you have my head in a spin ... so deep breathing and trying to clear my head (not an easy thing to do) ... so keep you eyes peeled this coming Sunday as thats when it's going to happen

12/06/10

Another wonderful Saturday morning made capturing images rather pleasent, i'm still amazed by the beauty and depth that i continue to find in those puddles.  It started very early as i'm never sure if the weather will hold out but it did, unfortunately i missed the best part of the sunrise and that was "dawn" when i looked out of my upstairs window while brushing my teeth (as you do) the whole of the sky was orange / red / yellow / pink ... i just knew i should be out there (04.00am)

My little town isn't really the place to be walking out with a Nikkon in your hands at 4am as the drunks are still coming out of the clubs but thats another story

Walking down a lane in semi darkness because of the overhanging trees and trying not to walk into anything (if you know what i mean) sends a strange sensation through me.  I feel elivated when i see the light and dark reflections in the puddles, i do long to have someone with me in my world to see what i see and feel what i feel, that part of me is always at a loss for understanding as i can't understand why i'm on my own - damn another story there

By the time i'd walked along the lane to the larger puddles the clouds were turning and capturing them was easy as the tree density was less there, with each click of the button i watched the morning break, with each image i was filled with pride i'd been able to capture it

The greatest joy in my world right now is that of acceptance with everyone who faves my images, the addition of something i see and capture in such wonderful features where so many truely talented people are being shown fills me emotionally

Thank you all

Christian x


06/06/10

"Tate Modern" shouldnt be missed by anyone trust me ....


03/06/10

i don't think "macro" is for me ... i'm just not getting the hang of it at all .....

have now done some fine tweaking on the D90 and i'm now hoping for a sunset tonight or a sunrise at the weekend ... "Tate Modern" this Saturday which is exciting for me (it just is)

half way through the year and nothing changes but where has the time gone ....

01/06/10

and so we welcome in June with more captures of "thing" ..... enjoy

CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
Texture by `Princess-of-Shadows
  • Listening to: the blood moving through my veins
  • Reading: emptyness
  • Watching: the ground melt
  • Playing: with my thoughts
  • Eating: dust
  • Drinking: water

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June 28, 2010
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:iconmakola94:
Beautiful feature. I wish I could :+fav: your journal! Thank you so much :)
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
your so very welcome :D its why everyones there so that more people can see works like yours there :D
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
~Dani-the-Naiad Jun 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hey - Of course I'm going to read your journals - "Don't read" is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of! :giggle:

You're better for being yourself. Remember that. :hug:
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
yes i know i am but sometimes i dont like who i am ... thats kind of hard to explain i guess but all i can be is myself ... thank you :hug:
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
~Dani-the-Naiad Jun 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I think many people feel this way because no one is perfect. I just find whenever I am shown a piece of me that is flawed or a part of me that's gone wrong, I do my best to fix it. I know there are other things about me that I can't actually see yet- but I try to see them as I go along, and I have faith that if I do my best then the rest of my imperfections will be taken care of. :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
i give too much of myself out to everyone around me, i find i get very little in return not that it really bothers me to the fact that i get upset by it, but more a fact that i know what i'm missing in my life and i can't find it at all ... imperfections i can deal with the rest is too much for me :(
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
~Dani-the-Naiad Jun 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry. Just remember that if giving becomes no fun anymore, stop doing it. Only give when it feels good. :nod: Giving is a great thing! It can do much good for both the giver and the given, but if it becomes too much of a burden, it is no longer a good thing. I hope you can find balance and happiness. :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
yes i know i need to find what i'm missing ... i really do
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
~Dani-the-Naiad Jun 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:D You will. I'm sure of it.
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
i hope so Dani ... i really do
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